Every Christmas, stores advertise shelves full of shiny new toys. But some toys will help you engage with and better understand your child, while other toys are designed to distract your child.
In the sixth lesson of the Rooted parenting curriculum, play therapist Mary Bennett, PhD, teaches parents how children learn and communicate through play. Imaginative play is how children express themselves, how they learn about their surroundings, and how they make sense of their world.
Imaginative play is a powerful tool for building relationship with and understanding your child. Here are five tips for making the most of playtimes with your child.
- Set aside special playtimes with your child.
Don’t over-program or rush through activities when you are playing with your child. This time is meant for enjoying time with and understanding them. Commit to a set time for therapeutic play, so you can savor your child’s company without worrying about your schedule.
This is especially important when you are parenting an adopted child. This set time gives them an opportunity to express the parts of their story from before they joined your family. Things like past trauma, old fears, or favorite memories may emerge during play, and knowing these things can help you love and care for your child better.
- Work to see your child’s world through their eyes.
Play is a child’s equivalent of talking through things—it’s how they process, express, and reshape the world around them. When children play, they are often recreating their experiences, fears, or hopes. Listen carefully to what and how they play.
- Let them lead the activity or conversation.
If you want to see your child’s world, you have to let them lead the way. We cannot set the agenda for exactly what to play during special playtimes. Instead, we need to be ready to listen and follow.
It’s helpful to let children know that these special playtimes have special rules—children can play with the toys in any way they want to unless it threatens authority of safety.
- Don’t make time with your child a punishment or a reward
Spending time playing with your child shows them you care about them and about their world. Prioritizing this time with them is a way of clearly and loudly prioritizing your relationship with them.
If this playtime shows your child that you love them, it cannot be taken away as a punishment or granted as a reward any more than your love can be. God does not walk away from us or mute out our prayers when we stumble; we cannot do that to our children.
- Find toys that facilitate imagination rather than entertain.
Many toys are designed to simply entertain children. Bright lights, loud songs, and scripted games keep children occupied and let their parents do something else. But these toys are often too scripted to allow for much imaginative and relational play. Instead, aim for a variety of simple toys that can become props in an imaginative world.
If play is the language that children use to express their story, the toys they have are the vocabulary they can use for expression. Providing a range of toys—some that can show care, some that can show aggression—is essential to helping your child process their experiences through playing.
Suggested Toys
- Doctor kit
- Dress-up
- Dolls or action figures
- Toy animals
- Rubber swords
- Building materials
- Play-doh or modelling clay
- Coloring materials
Mary Bennett, PhD, is the Director of the Play Therapy Institute of Texas State University. She works with children and families who have experienced interpersonal trauma or a break in a primary care relationship. She partnered with Hope For Orphans in their Rooted parenting curriculum to help parents apply the concepts of play therapy with their children.